Babyneki
by theghoulthatwrites
Summary: Kaneki wakes up to see he's become a toddler! What will Touka do when she sees? -oneshot


**Hi hi~! A little something that's not related to Reality Kick, just to spice things up a bit. This takes place before Touka gets pregnant, while Hinami is staying with Ayato (probably having an adult sleepover or something). Saw a post about this on Tumblr, so I decided to write it. c:**

**[Stay tuned for A/N]**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Kaneki yawned, opening his eyes and stretching. Sitting up in bed, he looked around tiredly. <em>Is it just me or is everything bigger?<em> He looked at Touka, still sleeping with her back to him. He reached out to shake her shoulder but froze as he looked down at his hand. _Why is my hand tiny? This looks like a toddler's hand…_

Throwing back the covers, which didn't work as well with small arms, he moved to the edge of the bed. Dangling his legs over the side, Kaneki gaped at how far away the floor looked. Shaking his head, he slipped off the bed, landing on his feet unsteadily. Standing on the floor, he was almost eye-level with the bed. _Reverse growth spurt? Are those even possible?_ He ran to the full-length mirror Touka used when getting dressed, eyes widening into saucers at his reflection.

"'M a toddler?!" He exclaimed. His speech surprised him; _so I can think normally, but can't speak normally?_

Seeing Touka's reflection behind him, Kaneki ran to her as fast as his now little legs could carry him. Reaching her side of the bed, he stood on his tip-toes and started patting Touka's face with his chubby hands.

"T-Touka!" He shouted, hitting a little harder.

Touka groaned and cracked one eye. Seeing a toddler next to her bed, her eyes flew open, wide awake. She stared at the toddler, taking in his bright red, chubby cheeks and, most notably, stark white hair. Bolting from under the covers, Touka kneeled on the bed and grabbed the little face in her hands, bringing it closer. She scrutinized it closely.

"… Ken?" She whispered, shocked. He nodded.

Her hands fell from his face, hanging loosely at her sides. She continued gaping at her husband-turned-toddler, face drained of color.

"This can't be happening…" She gulped. For the very first time in her entire life, and not caused by pain or blood loss, Touka fainted.

When she opened her eyes fifteen minutes later, she buried her face in her hands. _Please tell me that was a nightmare… That can't really happen can it?_ Hearing a rustling to her right, she uncovered her face and turned towards the sound. But, instead of seeing her husband bustling about the room, there was a three-year-old mini-version in his place.

Kaneki was still standing next to the bed, peering over the edge worriedly. Making eye-contact with him, Touka heaved a large sigh and got out of bed. Sitting in front of him, she folded her arms over her chest and studied him. Kaneki looked at the ground, fidgeting in place under her stern gaze.

"Ken?" He looked up. "Do you know why you turned back into a toddler?"

"I dun know!" He wailed, struggling to speak normally. "I woke up like dis!"

He started crying, making Touka panic a little. _Oh crap, what do you do when they start crying?!_ She tried patting his head, hoping it would calm him down. He cried harder. _Ahhh! I don't know how to do this! I've never even been good with children!_ On a whim, she wrapped her arms around him and pull him into her lap.

"Shhh, it's okay," she cooed. "Don't cry, you're not in trouble, it's okay."

She rubbed circles on his back, patting occasionally. Kaneki snuggled his head into her chest, his cries dying down into whimpers. Touka held him, soothing him until he stopped crying altogether, only hiccupped every now and then. _Whew… Good thing Ayato was still a crybaby when Dad was alive._ She closed her eyes and rested her chin on his head, snuggled into her chest. The room fell silent until Touka heard a low rumbling. Opening her eyes, she looked down at Kaneki.

"Are you hungry?" She wondered.

"Mmhmm…" Kaneki nodded, cheeks turning redder.

"Alright, let's go see if we have anything a toddler can eat," she offered. She set the toddler on his feet and stood up. She turned and headed for the kitchen, Kaneki clinging to her shorts, tripping on his giant shirt.

In the kitchen, she pointed Kaneki to the table and turned to the fridge. Behind her back, Kaneki pulled out a chair and tried to climb up to the seat. _Being this small is so annoying,_ he pouted. He was almost there when his foot slipped and he fell to the floor, landing on his butt. He sat in shock for a few seconds before he unintentionally started wailing.

Touka jumped when he started crying, dropping the package she was holding to the floor. She whipped around, eyes landing on the toddler next to the table. Kaneki sat, legs sticking out and arms flailing, on the floor next to the chair. Fighting the urge to laugh, she walked towards the boy and picked him up. Holding him in her arms, she patted his back, soothing him immediately. _Babies are so simple…_

"Ask for help next time; you aren't big enough to climb up there on your own," she chastised, sitting him in the chair.

Kaneki nodded. Touka ruffled his hair and picked up the package she dropped. Setting it on the counter, she searched for the food processor, placing it next to a cutting board when she found it. She unwrapped the package and cut the meat into smaller pieces, dumping them in the processor. When she finished processing the meat, she poured the red-ish pink goop into a bowl and set it in front of Kaneki, handing him a spoon.

"Tank you, Touka," he cried, digging in.

After cleaning the mess, she made herself a cup of coffee and sat across from her toddler husband. Resting her chin in the palm of her hand, she looked at the little boy happily devouring his food. _How did he end up like this anyway?_ She gazed at Kaneki, blinking when he dropped the spoon on the table. Focusing on his face, she sighed heavily.

"You made a complete mess of yourself, Ken," she muttered. Kaneki was covered in the meat-mush; in his hair, all over his shirt, and even some on the floor. Kaneki blinked at her, tilting his head to the side.

Touka reached across the table and lightly flicked his forehead. Standing up, she took his dishes to the sink and came back with a wet cloth. She helped Kaneki down from the chair and wiped the table clean, kneeling to clean the floor. Standing up, she threw the soiled rag into the sink and raised an eyebrow at the filthy boy.

"You need a bath right now." Scooping Kaneki up from the floor, she strode into the bathroom. She turned on the water, making sure it wasn't too hot, and helped Kaneki out of his gigantic shirt. 'He just had to be wearing a white shirt, didn't he?' She groaned at the stains and tossed the garment into the hamper.

Putting Kaneki in the warm water, Touka kneeled beside the tub and washed his hair. She soaped his body, making sure to clean between his fingers to remove all meat-mush. Rinsing her hands, she stood up and went into their bedroom, leaving Kaneki to play in the water. She returned with one of his smaller t-shirts. _I can't give him one of mine in case he changes back… Just have to tie this one so it's not in the way._ Grabbing a towel, she wrapped it around him and scooped him out of the tub. She rubbed his body dry and put the shirt over his head, helping his arms through the sleeves. Gathering the shirt above his feet, she tied it up with a rubber band. She rubbed the towel on his hair before throwing it into the hamper.

"Done! What do you want to do now?" she asked.

Kaneki raced out of the bathroom into the living room, Touka staring after him. When she walked to the living room, Kaneki waddled in front of her and held up one of his favorite books.

"… You want me to read to you?" She looked at him incredulously.

Kaneki looked up at her with shining eyes, silently begging. She sighed.

"Fine," she conceded, taking the book and sitting on the couch.

Kaneki climbed up and made himself comfortable in her lap, leaning back against her body. Touka opened the book and slowly began to read the difficult book. _I suck at literature; what is this book even about?_ she thought to herself, turning to the next page.

She read for a while until she noticed his headed drooping. Closing the book, she yawned and stretched her arms above her head. She cradled the sleeping Kaneki in her arms as she walked to the bedroom, turning the lights off on the way.

Settling him on the bed, she tucked the covers around him and left to change her clothes and brush her teeth. When she slid into bed next to him, Kaneki mumbled unintelligible words and cuddled closer to her, his head resting on her chest. Yawning again, Touka began to fall asleep. _I hope he's normal tomorrow… Taking care of kids is so much work._ With that thought, Touka fell into a deep sleep, an arm wrapped around her husband's small body.

The next morning, Kaneki opened his eyes and rubbed the sleep from them with his hand. Noticing a difference, he looked at his hand; back to its normal size. _Whew! I don't know how much longer I could've been that small…_ He felt something warm and soft wiggled against his arm next to him. Turning his head on the pillow, he laughed hysterically at the sight of his wife swallowed by her sleeping shirt, in the form of a toddler.

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><p><strong>I actually started writing this a couple days ago but only finished half of it before I just stopped. So I figured I should finish it since I already started it, gotta commit to these things, y'know?<strong>

**The meat is human of course. I just didn't feel comfortable putting that in there explicitly. **

**If you're wondering about Reality Kick: fear not, as I am currently working on the next chapter. c: All is not lost, my friends.**

**As always, a big heartfelt thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought of it or any other questions/comments/opinions in the form of a review, PM, or Tumblr message. I love hearing what you guys think about my (crappy) writing. c:**

**With love, **

**Lau ( ˘ ³˘) **


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